Iker Casillas
I feel sleepy and my head hurts, but why? … Did Pepe kick me in the back of the head? … Did someone throw Cristiano’s baby at me? … Whatever it is, someone’s probably going to blame my girlfriend for it. … And now — now I feel like crying. … But I can’t. I can’t do that anymore. … Come on, Iker. Be a tough guy. … Be tough, Iker. You don’t have to cry about every little thing that happens to anyone anywhere. … Even if it’s a small child coming up to you after a match and saying thank you for winning the World Cup and- … Maybe if I keep my face buried in the grass no one will see my tears…
Steven Gerrard
Eskimo kisses!
Jorge Rodriguez
OooooOOOO-OOooooo! … This is my new super awesome goal celebration. … Everyone is going to be so jealous of how awesome it makes me look. … I think I’m going to call it The Guapo Man. … Oh. Yes. … Also, the hand ears are key to this whole thing. … God, I bet I look so awesome right now. … I bet the people looking at me are like, ‘Whoa! Whatever Jorge is doing is not only making my loins explode, but also making me crave Caesar salad." … Everyone is going to be walking around town doing this all the time, trying to look like me. … I wish I could see how awesome I look right now. …. The only downside is that doing this really makes me tired…
Didier Drogba
Time for Didier’s hair tips — NO IT’S NOT IT’S TIME FOR THE DISGRACES! … First, when I scored my wonder goal against Bolton, Kalou said that it really wasn’t that great even though I know for a fact that he can’t do better. That’s an insulting f***ing disgrace. … Then, this David Luiz transfer story has been dragging on so long that Kitier Katba has relieved himself on 78 papers carrying it. That’s a tedious f***ing disgrace. … Then, as a related bit of information, I think Kitier has some kind of bowel problem. That’s a gross f***ing disgrace. … Then, there were those times those two bald referees who probably make up transfer rumors in their spare time cheated us out of the Champions League. That…that was a…
Photos: AP, Reuters, Getty
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